The Problem with Fitspiration

Fitspiration

 

The mental and physical state of being inspired by media, pictures, etc., to form a fit body.

 

 

Sounds nice right? It's certainly better than "thinspiration," a hashtag that was actually banned on Instagram because it created a culture where both men and women were doing anything to lose weight and be thin.

 

So yes, fitspiration is a bit better. Or is it?

 

Photo from Pinterest



The model in the photo looks great by most standards, but what many don't realize is her particular lifestyle. She more than likely is a professional fitness model and probably doesn't spend her days working an 8 to 5 job. She spends her time at the gym, or in the kitchen doing meal prep.You won't find her at cocktail parties or happy hour, her gym schedule and healthy eating habits probably don't allow for that.

 

She looks great, yes, but at what cost does the price of looking great come?

 

Photo from Pinterest

Everyone should work out and maintain a healthy lifestyle, but objectifying women's bodies to try to inspire others is not working either. Unless you have the time to dedicate 2 to 3 hours in the gym each day and weigh your food proportionally, chances are you'll find it a bit difficult to achieve this look. Maintaining it is another story.

 

Photo from Pinterest

 

Photo from Pinterest

Slogans such as "She Squats Bro" showcase women scantily clad baring their "assets," and it is just another way of objectifying women as sexual objects. The message of these images come across loud and clear, you should strive to look like the women in the pictures, or at least aspire to. How is this any different than showing skinny fashion models on the cover of magazines? It's still promoting the fact that women, and people in general (I won't exclude men here) value physical perfection.

 

Instead of promoting images supporting any body type, people should be striving for overall health. Did you run 3 miles today? Awesome! Did you do a shoulder and back workout that you're feeling the effects of the next day? Great! Did you skip dessert last night? That's good too- but don't forget to indulge sometimes as well.

 

Comparing yourself or others to images circulating on social media sites is not actually "inspiring" you the way you may think. Instead, you're just comparing yourself to an illusion. You may never look like the women or fitness competitors in the pictures. If you do it more than likely will be hard to maintain- but that's ok.

 

Health is a journey- not a picture. Do what suites you and your body to get there- not a picture. 

 



50 Shades of Grey- A Response to the Epidemic

The 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy has taken a lot of the female population by storm. Many women rushed to get the books and fell in love with the mysterious Mr. Grey himself. Internet memes surfaced, making the point that while women may not like porn, they'll certainly read it.

I get it, I borrowed the book from a friend and I don't think I even finished it. I'm not the type to like fictional literature, and quite honestly the sex scenes made me squeamish. I'd rather read something of more value, but to each their own. These books seemed to finally be a way for women to pursue something sexual, and frankly men seemed to be a little uptight about it.

But it's just a book. There are no pictures of nudity. There are no video clips of a woman being degraded in modern internet pornography. Alas, it's a book. A sexual one, but still a book. With no pictures.

Recently the trailer for the movie was released, and all over social media women are posting how either hot they think the actor playing Christian Grey is, or how they are disappointed and a better actor should of been chosen.

I had the pleasure of reading a blog post by Haley Morgan Smith, The Problem with 50 Shades of Grey.

I loved her insight, and her opinions. She brought up strong points about how she would feel if her husband walked in the door, sexualized book in hand, talking of how hot the female actress is, and then later logging on to his Facebook account and posting non-stop about how excited he was to see this super sexy film with the fine actress. She wrote about how this would make her feel- that clearly she'd want to punch him in the throat. I agree with ya, girlfriend.

My point is- don't men do this everyday? Has our society become immune to the "average red-blooded American male" who is not only allowed, but can't help drooling over any attractive woman they see? That women sexualized on TV and the media are just a normal part of it and seeing semi-nude Maxim magazine covers, and even the fitness models now who pose almost naked in the gym. Please tell me, what is the difference?

Pornography is something we cannot escape these days. It's everywhere, and I guarantee 13-year-olds find access to the plethora of XXX websites available these days via the internet. How can these young boys possibly learn to respect women when they constantly see them as sexual objects? Much less, how can young girls respect themselves when they too want to be "wanted" by members of the opposite sex?

Haley's article is very well-written and I truly see her point, that it's wrong and hurtful to betray and objectify anyone else than your significant other. I get that- I just don't think it's fair at all to say that many men haven't been doing that for a long time. So much so, I think it's become natural for our society to accept that men have wondering eyes. After all, they wouldn't be "men" if that's what you call it, without acting that way.

With the internet has come the new way of objectifying women.

According to Caroline Heldman and Lisa Wade, authors of Sexualizing Sarah Palin, since the 1970's the popularity of pornography has led to a higher degree of objectifying women.

"Advances in communication technologies have enabled a new era of objectification, marked by an increasing presence and acceptance of sexual objectification in media, greater pornographic content in mainstream media, and greater acceptance of pornography in the U.S. more broadly" (Heldman, Wade, p. 3, 2011).

Personally, I don't think any person should make their significant other feel small, or unattractive. I would never drop hints or say anything to hurt the man in my life, but I think it's very unfair to say that 50 Shades of Grey has created a problem with women lusting after other men, when it's been happening to women for decades.

Really America, are we just that oblivious?

Heldman, C., & Wade, L. (2011). Sexualizing Sarah Palin. Sex Roles, 65(3/4), 156-164. doi:10.1007/s11199-011-9984-6.

My Advice to an 11-Year-Old About the Modeling World

I was recently asked what advice I would give if I were confronted by an 11-year-old girl and her mother on getting into the modeling industry. It was one of those moments where so many thoughts rushed through my head that I wasn't quite sure where to start, or how to even give a semi-understandable answer.

Flashback 21 years.

I'm five years old, wearing my first pageant dress, and I have to walk across the stage, smile perfectly, do my turns just as I had practiced, and hope the judges choose me to give the shiny crown to instead of the half dozen or so other shy five year olds with similar bouncing curls and hairdos.

I didn't get the crown, but I did get a pretty tall trophy, which meant the judges must have thought I smiled pretty and did my walk and turns right.

A few years later, around nine years old I enrolled in modeling and etiquette classes. I wanted to be a model when I grew up, and I just knew I was going to be famous. These modeling and etiquette classes gave me confidence walking on a runway and doing local fashion shows at the mall. I had dreams of being "discovered" and found by an agency. I remember an older girl, Tiffany, who was signed by some agency. She might as well have been a celebrity to me, I thought she was so glamorous. She was a model! A real one, and maybe I could be like her.

One night after a fashion show at the mall, Tiffany's mom pointed me out and came over to me. She goes, "That's her! You've got it, you can be just like Tiffany! You are beautiful." I was floored and excited all at once. In retrospect, Tiffany was just your average 14-year-old girl who had a local modeling agency take interest in her. I'm not sure of her whereabouts now, but I'm sure she is living just like the rest of us.

But at that time to me, Tiffany was a supermodel..and I wanted to be just like that.

At 10 years old I prepared for my first modeling convention and competition. I was competing against other hopefuls in swimsuit (yes, at 10 years old) runway, voiceover, commercial and talent. I don't believe I won more than honorary mention, but I was already looking and comparing myself to other girls, both my age and older. I wanted to be the pretty girl, the one everyone liked, the one who was going to be famous...And I knew I would, one day. I was already tall, at 10 years old and 5'2. I would look through the popular magazines and compare myself to what those older airbrushed, women looked like. My cheekbones were high, my lips looked like the girl on this issue of Cosmopolitan, and so on.

 Myself, age 10

 

 Myself, age 12

 

 And thus, the dangerous cycle began. I was always comparing myself to actresses, models, and even in my young pre-teen and teenage years I was already thinking of what I could do to change my looks. Everything from hair color, tanning, cute outfits, plastic surgery- It didn't matter. I saw my body as an imperfect canvas, and that in order to be happy I'd have to actually win contests and have that sex appeal that could guarantee that no guy would ever leave me, and that I had the world in the palm of my hand.

Myself, age 18

According to an article on HuffPost Healthy Living, the National Association of Anorexia and Nervosa and Associated Disorders, I wasn't the only young girl with thoughts like these, and I'm still not. Nearly 70% of girls in grades five through 12 said magazine images influence their ideals of a perfect body.

What those girls don't realize is that those pictures aren't the truth. They aren't reflections of the average woman's body.

When I got into college, I took the modeling competitions up a notch. I started participating in more photoshoots with anyone that I thought could take some real photos, and I primarily just used those pictures for my social media profiles. I thought a hot looking profile picture would mean more people would like me. I also thought the more swimsuit competitions I participated in and won, the happier I was going to be.

 

Myself, age 23, Swimsuit USA competition in Playa Del Carmen, Mexico

Swimsuit competitions started to become what I revolved around. I thought it spoke of me as a better person, someone that other girls were envious of. I thought the better I looked, the better I actually was. In reality, when I was winning these contests and regarded them as a hobby and a job, all I was doing was comparing myself to other women. If I didn't place in a contest, I thought maybe it was because I was too tall. Maybe I was too big- maybe I should have dieted more. Maybe I didn't do my hair right...or...maybe they ARE prettier than me. Maybe I should do something drastic about it.

You see, starting in the modeling industry gave me a sense of false confidence. It's false, because you're basing your self-worth and happiness on something so superficial. That's not happiness.

The older I got the more I realized that maybe these issues of constantly wanting to change my appearance were a little deeper than I thought. During an international competition in Las Vegas, NV one year, I realized that even dieting wasn't going to help my waist look any slimmer- the only choice I'd have at looking more petite is to have a rib removed, creating a smaller rib cage and waistline. Now of course, this was just a thought, but it signified something much bigger. I began to realize at this point I had fallen into body dysmorphia.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, people who suffer from body dysmorphic disorder take their perceived flaws to the extreme. They can't control their negative thoughts of their physical appearance, no matter what others may say. To the sufferer, the perceived flaw causes much emotional distress, and they may go to any length to correct the "problem," or even avoid social situations altogether.

Rachel Scherdin, registered dietitian, also knows first-hand what can happen when young girls pour their self-worth into the modeling industry.

"It's a destructive environment. It's a breeding ground for negative body image, as you are constantly comparing yourself to others and being compared to other models. What once used to be fun starts becoming an obsession."

Jessica Lundy, a successful promotional model and National Physique Committee fitness competitor says she personally didn't start modeling until she was old enough to understand the industry.

"I would never push it on my daughter, but if it was something she wanted to do I would just know to do my research with everything. I would also advise her to remain balanced and grounded, and to always know who you are and what you want."

Now, back to the 11-year-old wanting to break into the modeling industry.

My advice to you: know who you are and what makes you happy. Don't compare yourself to others, life isn't a competition based on looks. Focus on being happy and healthy, and don't worry about how you look. Looks are not going to bring happiness, I promise you. Focus on doing what you love, participate in sports, excel in school. Make your goals something you can obtain, not something where you depend upon the judgement of others.

Women have been objectified for decades as sexual objects. It's our job to help turn that around.

Kendall Jones Taking on the Wild...and Social Media

I absolutely love animals. Seriously, I can't kill an insect without feeling bad about it. While many people view snakes as awful creatures, I don't see the need to stab one to death just because you see it somewhere in your yard. I mean, if it's coming at you, that's a different story, but if Mr. Snake is just hanging out trying to survive, ya know..just like YOU are...let him be.

I will admit that I am a crazy cat lady, I adore my two cats children, and I have such respect for the larger members of their species...Although I am disgusted when I watch National Geographic and watch my beloved big cats go after that cute, harmless Gazelle...I digress, It's all apart of the food chain. But I hate seeing it.

My stance on hunting and not being a vegetarian is a sensitive subject, typically I don't bring it up because it is just that, an opinion. I do not think hunting is attractive, I do not think it's a sport, and the nicest way I can put it is I understand people have their "hobbies" if that's what you call it. I personally don't think hiding in a bush, camouflaging yourself and waiting for an unsuspecting animal to creek into your path is a sport, but do what you will. Nothing I say or do will stop that.

Do I eat meat? Yes, unfortunately. I limit what meats I eat and I disconnect myself from what the meat actually is and how it turned into the filet on my plate. I get it- we eat it, I just don't like the idea of the sport.

Which brings me to my point....Kendall Jones, the cheerleader chick all over social media posing with dead lions, leopards, rhinos and other animals from her "in the wild hunts."

Disgusting.

I personally was horrified to look through the pictures, to see that someone would willingly take the the life of such great animals for a sport..and worse, smile by the dead bodies and take a picture. Honey, you wouldn't be smiling if they were chasing you and you were weaponless. Totally not fair.

According to an article on Buzzfeed.com, Jones says her murdering hunting efforts are all a part of conservation, and the villages actually benefit from the thousands of dollars she pays to murder hunt these animals.

I'm not going to act oblivious- I know this happens. Since there isn't much I can do, I try to turn a blind eye. My problem with Miss Jones are the pictures she's posting on social media sites. I understand you want to fulfill this hobby of yours, but posting the graphic photos are a bit hard to stomach for me. 

On the contrary, many people signed pledges to have Jones' pictures removed from Facebook- they went all out. There was even a pledge to have her banned from the country she was hunting in. 

Here's Where I'm Divided

I hate the hunting part, as stated earlier...But there's a bigger picture that perplexes me. Facebook may remove the images, but that doesn't stop the act. Kendall will still be murdering hunting, and I'll still be sitting on my couch cringing everytime I turn on National Geographic and watch the beautiful Lioness eat the beautiful Zebra.

So while the pictures may not be on social media for all to see, I think we should all be aware that this is a real thing that happens, no matter how many pledges are signed or death threats she may recieve. She made the unpopular choice to get the quick gain to infamy by posting the pictures on Facebook...And as far as I know now, that's the only thing that has been removed. Just some pictures on Facebook..Until then, she will have a show airing in 2015...

And I, nor my cat Frank or Reese (not pictured) will be watching.

Why we Shouldn't #FreeTheNipple

I'll admit I do hold feminist views, but there are some things I do not agree with. Recently, exposed female nipples in public have been all over the media, from breast feeding in public to Rihanna's see-through tops. Now, some women have started the #FreeTheNipple campaign in hopes to bring about gender equality. 

According to an article on The Huffington Post, creator of the #FreeTheNipple campaign, filmmaker Lina Esco says the movement isn't about encouraging women to walk around naked, it's about bigger issues.

Just to be clear, they are looking for are the same rights as men to go without a shirt if they'd like, as well as get rid of the rape culture and slut shaming. I agree those are serious issues, but I'm not too sure on their tactic.

Scout Willis

I don't think a woman exposing her breasts is the way to go as far gender equality. I understand breasts are for breastfeeding, but I still abide by the rule that there is a time in a place for everything. Whether women want to agree with this or not, women's breast are very sexually objectified. 

I don't believe there should be any desire for women to want the right to go topless, because it's not sending the right message no matter how you angle it. A woman's body is different than a man's, there are areas that are more sensitive to others. Sure, there's a long way to go in order to  have gender equality, but walking around topless isn't the answer.

No matter what anyone says, a woman baring her breasts will always be looked at in a very sexual nature. I feel that many men would laugh and say that's okay with them- but the reality of it is that no "message" is being received other than checking out a topless chick.

For those who want to support the campaign but don't want to actually go bare-chested, there is a new bikini top you can buy.

The Tatatop

The Tatatop is a bikini top made of a flesh colored spandex with nipples, that makes the wearer appear to be topless. The Tatatop was created for women to support the #FreeTheNipple campaign, without actually going topless. A portion of the cost goes to the Lynn Sage Cancer Research Foundation.

 What are your thoughts on the #FreeTheNipple campaign? Do you think it is a good way for women to achieve gender equality?

Miss Indiana and her "Normal" Body

With all of the buzz flooding around Miss Indiana's "curvier," "thicker" and "normal" body, I wanted to take a step back and look at what society is actually doing here.

Yes, I tuned into the Miss USA pageant last Sunday night. Growing up as a little girl I loved watching pageants on TV, but I'll be honest- I was debating watching this debacle. Not to completely bash pageants, but I do know what it's like competing in them and the idea it gives society, as well as the women in them. Not to mention, not all pageants are as sugary sweet as they seem to be.

So let's say you make it as big as the Miss USA pageant- a really big feat. How does the rest of society look at this? I know by the flooding on social media, everyone was rooting for the contestant that represented their home state, and, of course, who they thought was the best looking.

Because in beauty pageants, the best looking is the best choice.

In this type of atmosphere people are drawn to be supportive of whoever the most beautiful contestant is. It's all about the hair, the makeup, the slender body. Women being paraded around based on their beauty. I know, there is an educational and philanthropic aspect to it, but in beauty pageants, if you don't have the look, you don't have a chance.

From being a woman and knowing body sizes, I can easily tell most of the women in the Miss USA pageant are easily a size 0, maybe a 2. I can tell from the slender waist lines and bone structure even just from a TV. Miss Indiana 2014, Mekayla Diel displayed a shape much smaller than the average American woman, and has received more attention for having a "normal" size body than the winner of the pageant did for winning.

Photo credit: Entertain This, USA Today

Okay for one, how is this shape "normal?" How can anyone's body be classified as "normal?" Also, it is widely known that Miss Indiana's shape is not the size the average American woman is.

Oh, but wait. This is a beauty pageant.

This is what society is lead to believe- that in order to be beautiful a woman must be very tiny, have a nice round butt (no cellulite please) a nice bosom (no breast implants, only natural, but they can't be too small) and 6 pack abs (not too manly though) with nothing extra.

And society loves this. Many women continually bash their "normal bodies" because their stomachs aren't completely flat. They aren't the same size they were several years ago, and they don't look like the hottest Hollywood actress.

I don't expect society to change, but what we can do is create awareness and teach ourselves, our daughters and our sons that true beauty is much more than skin deep. After all, who more do they look up to besides you?

Your Online Self vs. Your Actual Self

An interesting topic came up in my communication class last week about social media networks, and I couldn't quite come up with a definite answer:

How do you self represent online? Are there differences between your "online self" and "actual self?"

Mind blown.

It's such a simple question when you first look at it, and I thought immediately that of course my "online self" was different than my "actual self." Online, you only see the same non-emotional status updates that I think are few and far between, occasionally some pictures of my cats or a community event...and oh, running and grad school. You will see some of those on there as well.

What you do not see is what goes on behind the scenes. You will not know how I'm feeling that day, if I'm sad or upset, and you won't know what's really bothering me. You won't know if I've had a stressful day and went to sleep crying. You won't know what's really going through my mind.

Here's the crazy part though: isn't that the same way I am with my actual self?

I am by nature an introverted person. Unless you are very close to me, you won't know what kind of day I'm having anyway. You know just as much as what my online self would allow you to know: that I attend graduate school, I run a lovely little blog titled Creating Confidence, and that I'm attempting to be a runner. That's about it. So isn't this the same? I feel that my online self is the same reflection of my actual self.

Let's take a step back for a second.

We all know those people who post their entire daily lives on social media, in fact, you may be one yourself. Have you ever had a "friend" who is constantly on social media sites, posting non-stop, then when you see them in person they don't say much at all? More than likely they are probably too busy responding to Facebook message and Twitter updates. I feel that while social media networking sites have made it easier in a sense to be"connected" to people you haven't seen in years and might not even recognize in person, but it has left a void where face-to-face communication should be. It's made it easier to get the news and to feel closer to different organizations and brands. Heck, if you are displeased with a product or company, simply write something negative on their social media sites and look how fast you will get a response...But what are missing out on here?

There's a quote I heard about a year ago that has stuck with me when it comes to social media networking sites and what people promote about themselves. 

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.

It's certainly easy to do, especially since you're only seeing a version of what people only want you to see online. You won't see me posting about a bad day I've had or any of my own personal fears- that doesn't mean I don't struggle with them daily. You only see what people allow you to see online. Online, you can construct a different identity if you'd like to, and face-to-face communication is slowly getting away from us.

How many times have you been to a restaurant and watched people glued to their phones and not talking to one another? How many times have you communicated with someone online, to barely speak a few words to them in person? How many bits of personal information do you know about someone you haven't seen in years? It's crazy.

What are your thoughts? What do you choose to share with people online, and do you feel that your "online self" differs from your "actual self?"

What are the Dangers of Posting Negative Comments Anonymously Online?

While social media sites such as Facebook and Instagram may not be anonymous, ever since thedirty.com debuted, tons of websites, apps and other social media sites have been created for the online troll to anonymously bash whoever they wish.

Anyone can upload comments of some poor unsuspected soul and trash talk them anonymously, along with their victims full names and several pictures. Then of course the dozens upon dozens of comments from other anonymous trolls after that.

But The Dirty isn't the only one out there. There is one that markets to college kids.

I recently learned of the app Yik Yak, developed primarily for college kids to post anonymously within a 2 mile radius of their current location. It's like Twitter, except there are no screen names and anyone with the app in that area can post whatever they wish. And they definitely are. 

I apologize in advance for the comments in the picture below.

 Pat Taft, employee at Queens University of Charlotte says the app Yik Yak is the most recent app where students can post anonymously. 

"There is a contingent of college students that will post anything and everything. When they think it is anonymous they do have a filter. They will post ugly messages using the other person's  name. They have no concern for feelings. They also use a lot of profanity. They will ask individuals to meet them in certain places to have sex and exchange drugs. This is not just Queens. I have observed this at other institutions as well," said Taft.

However, there are some restrictions to the app. Yik Yak will remove a comment if it receives five or more people that dislike it. 

"I posted that some thoughts should never leave your brain and that Yik Yak will probably turn out not to be anonymous and it will affect people getting jobs - it was off within one minute," said Taft.

While Yik Yak shows comments from users within a 2 mile radius of where you are logged in, Taft says the app does not speak well for a University.

"Students at other schools and neighbors can see the information. Yik Yak has been disturbing because students have talked about the administration, faculty and peers in a negative manner using specific names. You sure can tell what they think about certain classes," said Taft.

So what can we do about this?

In my opinion, this is not new and it will certainly not be the last app or website that allows people to speak their minds anonymously. People as a whole need to stand up and speak out against this kind of behavior and understand that it gets you no where.

As an employee at a University, Taft has this bit of advice to offer college students.

"Assume that nothing is anonymous! Do not post anything that you would not mind a future employer reading. Also, if you cannot say it to someone's face, then you should not say it online. 

They need to understand that just because they cannot see hurt feelings, crying, and depression from their remarks it does not mean they are not there. What they post is a reflection of themselves.  They should ask the question, 'How am I going to be perceived?' before pushing the send button."

What do you think about websites and app such as The Dirty and Yik Yak? What do you think people get out posting negatively about others and what, if anything, do you think can be done about it?

Magazine Covers and Body Image: Not Buying it!

Taking a stroll down any supermarket or convenience store magazine isle is enough to make me, at 26 years old, gag. Countless images of beautiful women in bikinis, talking about how they dropped 15 lbs instantly, to the body and cellulite shaming images marked “you’ll never guess who!” Even if I let myself walk down those isles, I admit if I'm not in the best frame of mind they can get me down.

Even fitness magazines bare perfectly sculpted bodies, who no doubt have some sort of Photoshop action going on.  While I no longer have the same body I did back in my competition days, these magazines even hammer into my head what women AND men (I won’t leave the guys out here) should look like. And of course, they’ll give you the best 15 minute work out tips and the best way to shape up your rump as well…Because we all know, that can use some work.

While I agree health and fitness are important and are essential to leading a healthy lifestyle, not every woman has to be 5’2 105 lbs to be the epitome of health.

We are sending the wrong message to our girls and women here on what healthy, normal bodies look like.

I have recently been inspired by several stories of strong, powerful women in the media.

Brooke Birmingham, lifestyle and fitness blogger of BrookeNot A Diet, lost 172 lbs and channeled her weight loss journey for all to read. Recently, she was contacted by Shape Magazine who wanted to write a story on her weightloss success.   

Brooke happily complied and sent along this picture to show what I real woman’s body looks like after losing 172 lbs, and not being retouched.

Photo from www.brookenotonadiet.com

Shape Magazine wrote her back saying they were unable to use the bikini top photo and wanted one with a shirt. Brooke questioned this, and then later declined having her story written if Shape would not print the photo.

All I have to say- kudos to Brooke for standing up for something she believed in! Shape Magazine is HUGE, and to turn down her chance to have the story run for something she believes is amazing.

To view Brooke’s blogpost on turning down the offer, click here.

After all of the media attention, countless comments, calls from Good Morning America, The Today Show, and more, Shape Magazine made arrangements with Brooke to be featured in an issue with 5 other “real” women who have gone through extreme weight loss.

They will be able to be photographed in whatever outfits, or bikinis, they choose.

I say that's quite an amazing turn out for Brooke, and for women everywhere.

What are your thoughts on Brooke's story?

Tutus and Sneakers- 2014 Girls on the Run Race Charlotte

Today I witnessed an amazing event that inspired me more than anything. Girls on the Run Charlotte held their Spring 2014 5k this morning. With over 3,000 girls, coaches, parents and supporters the area was covered in a sea of green Girls on the Run t-shirts, tutus, and other bright colors- and I of course jumped at the opportunity to volunteer and help this great organization. 

 I volunteered at the Mile 1 Water Station.

As someone who is just getting into running myself, it was amazing to see these young girls out running, for many of them, their first 5k. The support and camaraderie was endearing to see, as each of the girls ran by cheering on their teammates.

The Mile 1 Water Station was located right as the runners were coming off a large hill. We thought we were well-prepared with over three tables stacked three times high with water - but there were so many participants we couldn't have the water ready fast enough! 

After all the chaos was over and the last participants passed by our station, I was in awe. Most of these girls were under 10 years old and here they are running in a 3.1 mile race. I never ran my first 5k until I was 18 years old, and still today, running that distance can be a feat.

As we cleaned up our station and started walking back towards the main area, I captured this amazing shot of the girls running the final mile of the race. I wanted to run with them.

When everything was said and done, I went home and put on my running shoes and vowed that if these girls could do it this morning- so could I. I ran over a 10k- 6.5 miles, and for me, thats quite a distance.

I have to say it was the girls who gave me the motivation.

Girls on the Run is an excellent organization. In my opinion in not only encourages girls to lead happier, healthier more confident lives, it also encourages grown women. I know for me, at 26 years old, it has.

For more information on Girls on the Run and how you can help, visit their website by clicking here. 

The Words of a Mother

Throughout this project, I have talked of different issues impacting women and young girls. I've talked to a group of pre-teens, I've shown videos on body image- but I have yet to talk to a mother.


Although I have no children of my own (yet!) I often think of how I would like to raise children, and how I would go about instilling morals in them, especially in today's widespread social media usage. Usually I think I wouldn't let my kids have phones, but I'm not sure how likely that would be.


To get a better idea of what it's like being the mother of teen girls, I spoke to Sherrill Shiraz, mother of two girls ages 12 and almost 14. She gave some great insight on what it's like raising a family in a time where everyone is so connected. She also spoke on weight loss and wearing makeup.



"Both of my daughters have Instagram and Snapchat, no Facebook, and no Twitter," said Shiraz.. "I don't monitor what they post enough, but my friend is friends with them and she let's me know if she sees anything I should look at."


While both of her daughters have cell phones, Shiraz sets specific times when they can or can't use them.


"They are not allowed to have the phone at the table or when we are eating in the kitchen. Also not when doing homework. Otherwise my husband and I keep an eye on them and if we think it is getting out of hand we remove it. The phone is the primary privilege we take away from the younger daughter. My oldest rides horses, so we use that as leverage," said Shiraz.


Shiraz definitely thinks the media pressures women to look a certain way, and she expressed concern for her daughters.

"I tell my girls not to look at any clothing size tags because we can cut them out and nobody has to know the size- just look at how we feel," said Shiraz. 

Shiraz recently lost 30 lbs, mainly for health reasons.


"I believe we should all appreciate our body and that we should try to stay healthy- that was my main motivation for losing weight. I like the way I look now and that I can wear different clothes. I think in a way that the motivation to stay thin or healthy is not 100% negative because there is an underlying benefit for our health, but when we judge ourselves because we are not 'thin enough,' then that is bad," she said.


Shiraz expressed concern for her daughter watching videos on YouTube. "She does not understand that these [YouTube videos] are really like advertisements and many of these people are wearing clothes and using products that they are paid to use," she said.


As far as makeup, I asked Shiraz if she herself wore any, and whether she let her daughters wear it as well.


Shiraz said that while she does wear some eye makeup and lipstick, she makes sure to use good moisturizers but doesn't care too much for foundation makeup.


"My 14-year-old started wearing makeup this year and her younger sister [almost 12] has just started wearing some cover-up for her acne and some mascara," she said.

"I have never said they can't wear it, but I have never encouraged them to wear it, so I guess I am neutral. I do comment negatively if I see someone with lots of makeup on just because I think it is bad for their face and also if it looks unnatural," said Shiraz.

Shiraz said her oldest has taken an interest into learning how to apply makeup.

"I think it's important for them to experiment with their femininity and makeup is part of that in our society," said Shiraz. "I am sure her father would say something if she put on too much though!"

Shiraz says she strives to teach her daughters that there are many other things to do other than shop or worry about clothes, and currently she is getting them involved in local charities, and teaching them how to make their own clothes.

#TwitterProbz Teenage Girl Arrested for Tweeting a "Joke"

If you're a parent and your pre-teen or teenager is using social media, it should be a priority to not only explain the dangers of social media, but also the seriousness of its use.

According to an article on www.cnn.com, a 14-year-old girl was arrested on Monday after tweeting American Airlines that she was part of Al Qaeda and had had plans to "do something big."

The Twitter user @QueenDemetriax_ sent @AmericanAir, "hello my name's Ibrahim and I'm from Afghanistan. I'm part of Al Qaida and on June 1st I'm gonna do something really big bye." The Twitter account has now been deactivated.

Of course, American Airlines took this as a threat and quickly tracked Sarah's IP address and forwarded the information to the FBI. At this point, Sarah realized she was in trouble. Deep trouble.

Sarah also pleaded that she was "just a girl" and it was a joke made by her friend. According to the CNN article, Sarah, a 14-year-old girl from the Netherlands has been charged with "posting a false or alarming announcement," but punishment is not clear at this point. She currently is in questioning.

On the flip side of this, Sarah's Tweet was retweeted hundreds of times, and she gained 20,000 followers before Twitter deactivated her account. In a sense, she has become a "celebrity" due to this alarming incident.

This is an example of how social media can be misused, in one of the worst ways, and cause serious consequences for teenagers or even adults who think what they say has no importance or is just a joke. What you do online and on social media can have many affects further in your life than you may realize at this time, and I think it's something everyone needs to be aware of.

The Media Through the Eyes of a Young Girl

Let's take a look outside the box for a minute. Look through the eyes of a young girl. What does she see?

Maybe this video will help you. Is it the thousands of advertisements she sees on TV, showing scantily clad women? Is it the diet pills and diet fads she sees people taking and reading about? What about the advertisements for make-up and beauty products that always need to "brighten, tighten and tone?"

She sees all of it. But how does she make sense of it?

 As a society in our adult lives we have become desensitized to all of the marketing ploys and advertisements for women to constantly improve their looks. I'll admit it, until recently I didn't pay close attention to the message media is always sending out to women. In a sense, I am a victim myself.

In order to be happy, you must be thinner, taller, smaller, wear make up, wear sexy clothes, take diet pills...and so on, and so on, and so on...

My classmate, Michelle Manning, recently created this remix video on body image for our video editing class. I was so moved when I saw it, I was almost in tears. 

Take a look at the video, and see the media through the eyes of a young girl.

Beauty Mash-up from michelle manning on Vimeo.

Michelle is currently writing a blog on Ways to Prevent Child Abuse. To read more, click here. 

Girls on the Run- An Organization Founded in Charlotte that Helps Promote Confidence and Life Lessons

Girls on the Run was founded in 1996 in Charlotte. The goal is to create confidence by providing per-adoloscent girls life skills and lessons to help during when they need it most. At the end of the 20 week program, the girls participate in a 5k (3.1 mile) race. The 501C3 organization is now international, and has thousands of volunteers every year.

Mission

"We inspire girls to be joyful, healthy and confident using a fun, experience-based curriculum which creatively integrates running."

 I sat down with Jessica Otto, council director of Girls on the Run Charlotte to learn more about the wonderful organization.

   

 For more information, visit Girls on the Run Charlotte at www.gotrcharlotte.org

Girl Talk: So What's it Like to be a Pre-teen These Days?

Talking With Three Young Women Really put Social Media into a New Perspective...

Recently, I had the chance to sit down and talk with three young teen and pre-teen girls to find out what it's really like to be in middle school these days and growing up with social media and cell phones. While I graduated high school in 2006, you can almost call me an old lady compared to them.

Throughout our conversation, I found their responses to be very interesting, even different than what I imagined. Actually, some were the complete opposite of what I was I thinking.

On Sunday, I had the pleasure of meeting Laura, who recently turned 12 and is in the 6th grade, her older sister Libby, a 13-year-old 8th grader, and Taryn, a 12-year-old 6th grader who attends a different school than the two sisters. *Note, names have been changed, and I had permission from their parents to speak to them on this topic*

And our conversation went a little like this...

Maegen Sweat: So, how many different social media accounts do you all have? Are you on Facebook and Instagram? 

Laura: I have an Instagram and Pinterest

Libby: I have Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest

Taryn: I don't have any social media accounts, I don't even have a cell phone. Most people at my school do though.

MS: Have the rules changed regarding using cell phones at school? When I was in school you'd get in trouble if it even rang in class.

Laura: If you get them taken away, you will get them back in third block. But my teachers don't really care in 6th grade, you can play games and text- they aren't too strict.

Libby: You can have them out but it will have to be for research reasons. 

Taryn: My school is pretty much the same, in a lot of classes people will play games, sometimes they teachers notice but they don't really say much.

MS: What is K-I-K? (I spelled it out.)

Laura: You mean KIK [pronounced like kick] It's just a texting app. Most people don't use it anymore.

MS: So on Instagram, what do you or most of your friends post?

Libby: Most people post pictures of friends, or like at the movies, bowling. There's a thing called "selfie Sunday," and it's a hashtag. I have taken a selfie and posted it with a cool filter once or twice, but some girls do it a lot just because they are bored or if they just haven't had a picture to post in a while. Sometimes I've even unfollowed people just because I don't want to follow them anymore or they are annoying.

MS: What do you think of people posting selfies?

Laura: I mean if you post one or two that's okay.

MS: Do you your parents have access to your Instagram or can they see what you post?

Libby: [Laughs] My parents don't look at my Instagram.

Laura: I'll show my parents my pictures. 

MS: So what are these hashtags titled "TBH" or "TBR?" I've seen some statuses or pictures with a "TBH" or "TBR" and when someone likes the picture, the poster then post a comment to whoever likes it. Side note- Confused yet? Ha.

Laura: To be honest [TBH] is just something people do when they are bored. To be rude [TBR] people don't really do anymore, and if they do it's just joking around people aren't too rude about it.

Libby: There's also a thing called "Rate and Date" where you rate the person and say if you'd date them or not.

MS: Have you or any of your friends every experienced cyberbulling?

Taryn: We're learning in health class about the 8 common ways of cyberbulling, but no I've never dealt with it myself.

MS: What do you girls think of reality TV? Do you think it's the truth or scripted?

Laura: [Laughs] Our mom doesn't want us to to watch it.

Libby: [Laughs] I disagree with her! My mom even watches it, like Dance Moms, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, TLC, Toddlers and Tiaras.

Taryn: I don't really watch TV, I mean I look up YouTube videos, or I watch old, good movies like Green Acres. I like the good, old shows. Not the crap there is today. I also read a lot.

MS: Do you think it's the truth or scripted?

Libby: Some of it is staged, some of it is real. Sometimes you can predict what's going to happen because it's just laid out so perfectly.

MS: So you watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians, what do you think of them?

Libby: I was looking at Kim's Instagram, and in all their pics they have on all their make-up and their hair is done. It's like they got completely ready to take a selfie. 

Laura: I think they [reality TV stars] are just humiliating themselves. The things they do aren't even funny or worth doing.

Taryn: Yeah, sometimes TV just really rots your brain.

MS: So do you ever take selfies?

Libby: I won't post a picture on Instagram if I look weird.

Laura: I won't take great measures to do my hair.

MS: Do you girls feel any pressure to look like famous actresses?

Taryn: No, but it's like that commercial. They took a regular girl and showed what all they did to her to make her look like a celebrity. Also, that Dove commercial where they have the woman describe herself to a sketch artist, and then another person would describe that woman to a sketch artist. The stranger's sketch was always better.

MS: How does that make you feel?

Taryn: I think it's cool but sad at the same time. Because that person thinks they look bad but the other person doesn't.

MS: How do you girls feel about make-up? Do you wear any?

Libby: I wear make-up, I started in 7th grade. 

Laura: I wear clear mascara.

Taryn: A lot of girls wear make up, like concealer and stuff in 6th grade. But 7th and 8th grade, then it starts getting scary.

MS: Define "scary."

Libby: They wear green and purple eyeshadow. I mean I think that's okay, but only if you're in college or older, or maybe on a special occasion.

MS: So back to the internet, do your parents monitor what you look at?

Libby: The parental controls aren't set, I don't think my parents know how to set them. We could probably go to any website we wanted to and they wouldn't know- but we don't.

Laura: Our brother [age 15] gets in more trouble with being on his cell phone than we do- but there are no parental controls set, I'm not sure it's possible.

MS: So you have free reign to look at any website you want?

Laura: CMS school systems block most websites, like YouTube, any social media sites. So when you have a phone at school you don't have access to a lot of websites.

MS: Do you think that boys your age would maybe use that to look at websites they aren't supposed to?

Libby [Laughs] I don't think so, I don't think he [my brother] would go look up Victoria's Secret models online or anything..not that they are that bad, but you know. For middle school guys, I don't think it's a big deal. I don't think they would look up any nudes online.

MS: Do your parents set any rules, like when you can have cell phones and when you can't?

Libby: If it's after 9 p.m. our parents don't like us to be on social media. Or if we are at a restaurant or at dinner, we can't have our phones out. My brother still gets in trouble with this all the time, and sometimes if I'm sassy my dad will take my phone away for a little while.

Interesting points right?

I'd have to say the answers weren't quite what I was expecting, but I don't think we should be so naive. Overall, I spoke to a great group of young women who really have their heads on their shoulders and are really smart. I know their parents have set proper limitations when it comes to cell phone and social media use, and I think the girls really respect that- and it shows.

What are your thoughts to their statements? Do you think it varies from teen to teen? I want to know your thoughts!

It's Not Official Unless it's on Facebook..Or Online Right?

We all know match.com, christianmingle.com, but do you know there are actual teen dating sites online as well?

Among others- Mylol.com boasts it is the number one teen dating site in the US, Canada, UK and Australia.

What's the catch?

Well, you just have to be a teenager, age 13 to register. 

I'm not sure about you, but I wasn't aware there were actual teen dating sites available online, and was shocked to see tons of them. But what about the potential dangers they possess?

Pedophiles much?

According to a news report by Jim Kiertnzer of the ABC affiliate in Detriot, FBI spokesman David Porter says that every hour, a child is approached [on an online dating site.]

No wonder How to Catch a Predator is so popular these days.

In my opinions, teens really don't need dating sites to "find friends" or someone to date. They should be doing that in person- or better yet, not at all : ) You're too young to be worried about all of that.

View the full video below

Let's Talk About Sext, Baby

Let's talk about you and me

Let's talk about sext

Taking it back to the 90s Salt N' Pepa hit song for a second, but really- let's talk about it.

Sext.

No, it wasn't a typo, sexting is actually a word. The legal definition of sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit images and videos through mobile phones, and according to www.uslegal.com it can be a punishable offense if a person is found in possession of or the distribution of child pornography.

With young teens, and even older people for that matter, sending a quick sexy photo can maybe seem enticing to a perceived partner. Maybe they want to be attractive, or feel sexy, so they don't see the harm in sending a sexually suggestive photograph of themselves. 

This is not a new thing, before cell phones people were taking pictures on digital cameras. Before digital cameras, people used Polaroids. While those are not good, cell phones and social media have provided such an easy and intimate way to connect to almost anyone instantly, sexting has now become a huge topic for concern. That "innocent" photo that no one will know about can very quickly escalate to something everybody is talking about.

 I don't feel that enough teenagers know the devil they are dancing with when it comes to sexting. How do you know that person you send a picture to isn't going to send it out to their friends? What about months or years later down the road that picture you even forgot you took turns up again? It's the internet. Things will come back to haunt you.

Worse case scenario- What if it ends up on social media for all your friends to see?

Yes, it does happen.

There are countless news stories where someone has posted a nude picture of another online and it was visible for all to see.

According to CBSDC, just last month a 16-year-old Virginia girl was charged with child pornography for taking nude selfies and posting them to twitter. To read more on the article, click here.

The issue I have with sexting is I feel that young teenagers don't realize the many repercussions they could face by sending even one picture. In the day of the social age, the image you create of yourself online now will there for years to come.

According to www.dosomething.org, 22 percent of high-school age teens (ages 14 to 17) and 33 percent of college-age students (ages 18 to 24) have been involved in a form of nude sexting. Sending semi-nude or nude photos is more common among teens girls. 22 percent of teen girls report sending images of this nature, while only 18 percent of same-age boys have.

Before you click send, think about it. Is it worth it?

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Reality TV...The Demise of Actual Reality

It started with MTV's "The Real World" back in the early 1990's, and now you can't even turn the TV on without catching a glimpse at the "completely unscripted" (insert sarcasm) real TV we have now coined "reality TV." But the truth is, there's nothing real about it. It's planned, scripted and every episode has a message.

Producers have to get ratings, and drama and sex sell. Sadly, usually it's women who are viewed in a sexualized manner- but that's another topic. How do all of the reality shows which portray young people out partying, drinking and having sex affect young teens, especially young women?

Gone are the days of the fairy tales when a lady was pursued by a gentleman and a healthy relationship started. The latest episode of "Party Down South" on the CMT network features a group of young people staying in a house in Murrells Inlet, SC. It starts the same way your typical reality show does: each member of the cast walks in and starts drinking immediately, both the male and female cast members size each other up and pass judgement.

Although I know it's scripted, the show does not give young teens and pre-teens a good example of how to conduct themselves...and when every reality show has the same progression, then what are people supposed to think? That this is acceptable? That acting like this will make you famous on a reality TV show? That this type of behavior is AT ALL normal?

Just take a look at these advertisements that are made to "promote" the show...And you can't tell me that teenagers aren't up at 10 p.m.

"I'm not a whore, but if it happens, it happens"

"You know what shuts guys up? Boobs!"

So this is just saying it's fun to get drunk and disrobe not only in front of a crowd of strangers but also on TV? 

And this one is just flat out disturbing. But yes, all three of these scenes appeared on the very first episode of "Party Down South." Along with drinking to extreme excess, foul language, hooking up, and fighting.

But this is just one show. The truth is they are everywhere, and they all feature pretty much the same. Drinking is glorified, having unprotected random sex is what makes it exciting, and of course it's not a show without fighting and using foul language towards everyone.

My fear is that a lot of people view this as an acceptable way to act. If this is what it takes to be semi-famous on a reality TV show, then many young teens will look to act this way.

Where I attended high school, you weren't "cool" if you didn't physically fight someone. It was all about who wasn't scared of who and who could be the most intimidating. I thought it was awful (and no, I was never involved in an altercation of any sort.) But the fact that your ability to intimidate someone or try to hurt someone is what made people look up to you?

That is horrible.

I'm not just blaming the cast of "Party Down South." As I said earlier, "The Real World" started it, and "Jersey Shore" really embodied it. The truth is, people like watching others act in a way they wouldn't, but high schoolers don't know the difference.

Of course, I have to bring up "Teen Mom." The show that follows young mothers through pregnancy and through the first few years of their child's life. When I watched this show, I thought it glorified teen mothers. I mean, just take a look at Farrah, the teen mom who accepted an offer to paticipate in adult films. According to an article by Michelle Castillo on CBS News published on January 14, 2014, the reality TV shows "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" have actually been linked to a drop in teen birth rate. 

According to the Castillo, research has somehow proven that the shows have shown the hardships of being a teen parent and that young people are choosing other methods of teenage pregnancy prevention.  Click here to read the full article.

I'm not quite sure what to think of that study, and I keep thinking how can they even tie the lower number of teen pregnancies to the show itself, but eitherway it's an interesting read.

My question to you- what do you think of reality TV shows? Do you think they are harmless fun or that they promote a harmful image to teens and pre-teens?

Pictures courtesy of www.savingcountrymusic.com

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