Girl Talk: So What's it Like to be a Pre-teen These Days?

Talking With Three Young Women Really put Social Media into a New Perspective...

Recently, I had the chance to sit down and talk with three young teen and pre-teen girls to find out what it's really like to be in middle school these days and growing up with social media and cell phones. While I graduated high school in 2006, you can almost call me an old lady compared to them.

Throughout our conversation, I found their responses to be very interesting, even different than what I imagined. Actually, some were the complete opposite of what I was I thinking.

On Sunday, I had the pleasure of meeting Laura, who recently turned 12 and is in the 6th grade, her older sister Libby, a 13-year-old 8th grader, and Taryn, a 12-year-old 6th grader who attends a different school than the two sisters. *Note, names have been changed, and I had permission from their parents to speak to them on this topic*

And our conversation went a little like this...

Maegen Sweat: So, how many different social media accounts do you all have? Are you on Facebook and Instagram? 

Laura: I have an Instagram and Pinterest

Libby: I have Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest

Taryn: I don't have any social media accounts, I don't even have a cell phone. Most people at my school do though.

MS: Have the rules changed regarding using cell phones at school? When I was in school you'd get in trouble if it even rang in class.

Laura: If you get them taken away, you will get them back in third block. But my teachers don't really care in 6th grade, you can play games and text- they aren't too strict.

Libby: You can have them out but it will have to be for research reasons. 

Taryn: My school is pretty much the same, in a lot of classes people will play games, sometimes they teachers notice but they don't really say much.

MS: What is K-I-K? (I spelled it out.)

Laura: You mean KIK [pronounced like kick] It's just a texting app. Most people don't use it anymore.

MS: So on Instagram, what do you or most of your friends post?

Libby: Most people post pictures of friends, or like at the movies, bowling. There's a thing called "selfie Sunday," and it's a hashtag. I have taken a selfie and posted it with a cool filter once or twice, but some girls do it a lot just because they are bored or if they just haven't had a picture to post in a while. Sometimes I've even unfollowed people just because I don't want to follow them anymore or they are annoying.

MS: What do you think of people posting selfies?

Laura: I mean if you post one or two that's okay.

MS: Do you your parents have access to your Instagram or can they see what you post?

Libby: [Laughs] My parents don't look at my Instagram.

Laura: I'll show my parents my pictures. 

MS: So what are these hashtags titled "TBH" or "TBR?" I've seen some statuses or pictures with a "TBH" or "TBR" and when someone likes the picture, the poster then post a comment to whoever likes it. Side note- Confused yet? Ha.

Laura: To be honest [TBH] is just something people do when they are bored. To be rude [TBR] people don't really do anymore, and if they do it's just joking around people aren't too rude about it.

Libby: There's also a thing called "Rate and Date" where you rate the person and say if you'd date them or not.

MS: Have you or any of your friends every experienced cyberbulling?

Taryn: We're learning in health class about the 8 common ways of cyberbulling, but no I've never dealt with it myself.

MS: What do you girls think of reality TV? Do you think it's the truth or scripted?

Laura: [Laughs] Our mom doesn't want us to to watch it.

Libby: [Laughs] I disagree with her! My mom even watches it, like Dance Moms, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, TLC, Toddlers and Tiaras.

Taryn: I don't really watch TV, I mean I look up YouTube videos, or I watch old, good movies like Green Acres. I like the good, old shows. Not the crap there is today. I also read a lot.

MS: Do you think it's the truth or scripted?

Libby: Some of it is staged, some of it is real. Sometimes you can predict what's going to happen because it's just laid out so perfectly.

MS: So you watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians, what do you think of them?

Libby: I was looking at Kim's Instagram, and in all their pics they have on all their make-up and their hair is done. It's like they got completely ready to take a selfie. 

Laura: I think they [reality TV stars] are just humiliating themselves. The things they do aren't even funny or worth doing.

Taryn: Yeah, sometimes TV just really rots your brain.

MS: So do you ever take selfies?

Libby: I won't post a picture on Instagram if I look weird.

Laura: I won't take great measures to do my hair.

MS: Do you girls feel any pressure to look like famous actresses?

Taryn: No, but it's like that commercial. They took a regular girl and showed what all they did to her to make her look like a celebrity. Also, that Dove commercial where they have the woman describe herself to a sketch artist, and then another person would describe that woman to a sketch artist. The stranger's sketch was always better.

MS: How does that make you feel?

Taryn: I think it's cool but sad at the same time. Because that person thinks they look bad but the other person doesn't.

MS: How do you girls feel about make-up? Do you wear any?

Libby: I wear make-up, I started in 7th grade. 

Laura: I wear clear mascara.

Taryn: A lot of girls wear make up, like concealer and stuff in 6th grade. But 7th and 8th grade, then it starts getting scary.

MS: Define "scary."

Libby: They wear green and purple eyeshadow. I mean I think that's okay, but only if you're in college or older, or maybe on a special occasion.

MS: So back to the internet, do your parents monitor what you look at?

Libby: The parental controls aren't set, I don't think my parents know how to set them. We could probably go to any website we wanted to and they wouldn't know- but we don't.

Laura: Our brother [age 15] gets in more trouble with being on his cell phone than we do- but there are no parental controls set, I'm not sure it's possible.

MS: So you have free reign to look at any website you want?

Laura: CMS school systems block most websites, like YouTube, any social media sites. So when you have a phone at school you don't have access to a lot of websites.

MS: Do you think that boys your age would maybe use that to look at websites they aren't supposed to?

Libby [Laughs] I don't think so, I don't think he [my brother] would go look up Victoria's Secret models online or anything..not that they are that bad, but you know. For middle school guys, I don't think it's a big deal. I don't think they would look up any nudes online.

MS: Do your parents set any rules, like when you can have cell phones and when you can't?

Libby: If it's after 9 p.m. our parents don't like us to be on social media. Or if we are at a restaurant or at dinner, we can't have our phones out. My brother still gets in trouble with this all the time, and sometimes if I'm sassy my dad will take my phone away for a little while.

Interesting points right?

I'd have to say the answers weren't quite what I was expecting, but I don't think we should be so naive. Overall, I spoke to a great group of young women who really have their heads on their shoulders and are really smart. I know their parents have set proper limitations when it comes to cell phone and social media use, and I think the girls really respect that- and it shows.

What are your thoughts to their statements? Do you think it varies from teen to teen? I want to know your thoughts!

It's Not Official Unless it's on Facebook..Or Online Right?

We all know match.com, christianmingle.com, but do you know there are actual teen dating sites online as well?

Among others- Mylol.com boasts it is the number one teen dating site in the US, Canada, UK and Australia.

What's the catch?

Well, you just have to be a teenager, age 13 to register. 

I'm not sure about you, but I wasn't aware there were actual teen dating sites available online, and was shocked to see tons of them. But what about the potential dangers they possess?

Pedophiles much?

According to a news report by Jim Kiertnzer of the ABC affiliate in Detriot, FBI spokesman David Porter says that every hour, a child is approached [on an online dating site.]

No wonder How to Catch a Predator is so popular these days.

In my opinions, teens really don't need dating sites to "find friends" or someone to date. They should be doing that in person- or better yet, not at all : ) You're too young to be worried about all of that.

View the full video below

Let's Talk About Sext, Baby

Let's talk about you and me

Let's talk about sext

Taking it back to the 90s Salt N' Pepa hit song for a second, but really- let's talk about it.

Sext.

No, it wasn't a typo, sexting is actually a word. The legal definition of sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit images and videos through mobile phones, and according to www.uslegal.com it can be a punishable offense if a person is found in possession of or the distribution of child pornography.

With young teens, and even older people for that matter, sending a quick sexy photo can maybe seem enticing to a perceived partner. Maybe they want to be attractive, or feel sexy, so they don't see the harm in sending a sexually suggestive photograph of themselves. 

This is not a new thing, before cell phones people were taking pictures on digital cameras. Before digital cameras, people used Polaroids. While those are not good, cell phones and social media have provided such an easy and intimate way to connect to almost anyone instantly, sexting has now become a huge topic for concern. That "innocent" photo that no one will know about can very quickly escalate to something everybody is talking about.

 I don't feel that enough teenagers know the devil they are dancing with when it comes to sexting. How do you know that person you send a picture to isn't going to send it out to their friends? What about months or years later down the road that picture you even forgot you took turns up again? It's the internet. Things will come back to haunt you.

Worse case scenario- What if it ends up on social media for all your friends to see?

Yes, it does happen.

There are countless news stories where someone has posted a nude picture of another online and it was visible for all to see.

According to CBSDC, just last month a 16-year-old Virginia girl was charged with child pornography for taking nude selfies and posting them to twitter. To read more on the article, click here.

The issue I have with sexting is I feel that young teenagers don't realize the many repercussions they could face by sending even one picture. In the day of the social age, the image you create of yourself online now will there for years to come.

According to www.dosomething.org, 22 percent of high-school age teens (ages 14 to 17) and 33 percent of college-age students (ages 18 to 24) have been involved in a form of nude sexting. Sending semi-nude or nude photos is more common among teens girls. 22 percent of teen girls report sending images of this nature, while only 18 percent of same-age boys have.

Before you click send, think about it. Is it worth it?

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Reality TV...The Demise of Actual Reality

It started with MTV's "The Real World" back in the early 1990's, and now you can't even turn the TV on without catching a glimpse at the "completely unscripted" (insert sarcasm) real TV we have now coined "reality TV." But the truth is, there's nothing real about it. It's planned, scripted and every episode has a message.

Producers have to get ratings, and drama and sex sell. Sadly, usually it's women who are viewed in a sexualized manner- but that's another topic. How do all of the reality shows which portray young people out partying, drinking and having sex affect young teens, especially young women?

Gone are the days of the fairy tales when a lady was pursued by a gentleman and a healthy relationship started. The latest episode of "Party Down South" on the CMT network features a group of young people staying in a house in Murrells Inlet, SC. It starts the same way your typical reality show does: each member of the cast walks in and starts drinking immediately, both the male and female cast members size each other up and pass judgement.

Although I know it's scripted, the show does not give young teens and pre-teens a good example of how to conduct themselves...and when every reality show has the same progression, then what are people supposed to think? That this is acceptable? That acting like this will make you famous on a reality TV show? That this type of behavior is AT ALL normal?

Just take a look at these advertisements that are made to "promote" the show...And you can't tell me that teenagers aren't up at 10 p.m.

"I'm not a whore, but if it happens, it happens"

"You know what shuts guys up? Boobs!"

So this is just saying it's fun to get drunk and disrobe not only in front of a crowd of strangers but also on TV? 

And this one is just flat out disturbing. But yes, all three of these scenes appeared on the very first episode of "Party Down South." Along with drinking to extreme excess, foul language, hooking up, and fighting.

But this is just one show. The truth is they are everywhere, and they all feature pretty much the same. Drinking is glorified, having unprotected random sex is what makes it exciting, and of course it's not a show without fighting and using foul language towards everyone.

My fear is that a lot of people view this as an acceptable way to act. If this is what it takes to be semi-famous on a reality TV show, then many young teens will look to act this way.

Where I attended high school, you weren't "cool" if you didn't physically fight someone. It was all about who wasn't scared of who and who could be the most intimidating. I thought it was awful (and no, I was never involved in an altercation of any sort.) But the fact that your ability to intimidate someone or try to hurt someone is what made people look up to you?

That is horrible.

I'm not just blaming the cast of "Party Down South." As I said earlier, "The Real World" started it, and "Jersey Shore" really embodied it. The truth is, people like watching others act in a way they wouldn't, but high schoolers don't know the difference.

Of course, I have to bring up "Teen Mom." The show that follows young mothers through pregnancy and through the first few years of their child's life. When I watched this show, I thought it glorified teen mothers. I mean, just take a look at Farrah, the teen mom who accepted an offer to paticipate in adult films. According to an article by Michelle Castillo on CBS News published on January 14, 2014, the reality TV shows "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" have actually been linked to a drop in teen birth rate. 

According to the Castillo, research has somehow proven that the shows have shown the hardships of being a teen parent and that young people are choosing other methods of teenage pregnancy prevention.  Click here to read the full article.

I'm not quite sure what to think of that study, and I keep thinking how can they even tie the lower number of teen pregnancies to the show itself, but eitherway it's an interesting read.

My question to you- what do you think of reality TV shows? Do you think they are harmless fun or that they promote a harmful image to teens and pre-teens?

Pictures courtesy of www.savingcountrymusic.com

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.