Kendall Jones Taking on the Wild...and Social Media

I absolutely love animals. Seriously, I can't kill an insect without feeling bad about it. While many people view snakes as awful creatures, I don't see the need to stab one to death just because you see it somewhere in your yard. I mean, if it's coming at you, that's a different story, but if Mr. Snake is just hanging out trying to survive, ya know..just like YOU are...let him be.

I will admit that I am a crazy cat lady, I adore my two cats children, and I have such respect for the larger members of their species...Although I am disgusted when I watch National Geographic and watch my beloved big cats go after that cute, harmless Gazelle...I digress, It's all apart of the food chain. But I hate seeing it.

My stance on hunting and not being a vegetarian is a sensitive subject, typically I don't bring it up because it is just that, an opinion. I do not think hunting is attractive, I do not think it's a sport, and the nicest way I can put it is I understand people have their "hobbies" if that's what you call it. I personally don't think hiding in a bush, camouflaging yourself and waiting for an unsuspecting animal to creek into your path is a sport, but do what you will. Nothing I say or do will stop that.

Do I eat meat? Yes, unfortunately. I limit what meats I eat and I disconnect myself from what the meat actually is and how it turned into the filet on my plate. I get it- we eat it, I just don't like the idea of the sport.

Which brings me to my point....Kendall Jones, the cheerleader chick all over social media posing with dead lions, leopards, rhinos and other animals from her "in the wild hunts."

Disgusting.

I personally was horrified to look through the pictures, to see that someone would willingly take the the life of such great animals for a sport..and worse, smile by the dead bodies and take a picture. Honey, you wouldn't be smiling if they were chasing you and you were weaponless. Totally not fair.

According to an article on Buzzfeed.com, Jones says her murdering hunting efforts are all a part of conservation, and the villages actually benefit from the thousands of dollars she pays to murder hunt these animals.

I'm not going to act oblivious- I know this happens. Since there isn't much I can do, I try to turn a blind eye. My problem with Miss Jones are the pictures she's posting on social media sites. I understand you want to fulfill this hobby of yours, but posting the graphic photos are a bit hard to stomach for me. 

On the contrary, many people signed pledges to have Jones' pictures removed from Facebook- they went all out. There was even a pledge to have her banned from the country she was hunting in. 

Here's Where I'm Divided

I hate the hunting part, as stated earlier...But there's a bigger picture that perplexes me. Facebook may remove the images, but that doesn't stop the act. Kendall will still be murdering hunting, and I'll still be sitting on my couch cringing everytime I turn on National Geographic and watch the beautiful Lioness eat the beautiful Zebra.

So while the pictures may not be on social media for all to see, I think we should all be aware that this is a real thing that happens, no matter how many pledges are signed or death threats she may recieve. She made the unpopular choice to get the quick gain to infamy by posting the pictures on Facebook...And as far as I know now, that's the only thing that has been removed. Just some pictures on Facebook..Until then, she will have a show airing in 2015...

And I, nor my cat Frank or Reese (not pictured) will be watching.

Your Online Self vs. Your Actual Self

An interesting topic came up in my communication class last week about social media networks, and I couldn't quite come up with a definite answer:

How do you self represent online? Are there differences between your "online self" and "actual self?"

Mind blown.

It's such a simple question when you first look at it, and I thought immediately that of course my "online self" was different than my "actual self." Online, you only see the same non-emotional status updates that I think are few and far between, occasionally some pictures of my cats or a community event...and oh, running and grad school. You will see some of those on there as well.

What you do not see is what goes on behind the scenes. You will not know how I'm feeling that day, if I'm sad or upset, and you won't know what's really bothering me. You won't know if I've had a stressful day and went to sleep crying. You won't know what's really going through my mind.

Here's the crazy part though: isn't that the same way I am with my actual self?

I am by nature an introverted person. Unless you are very close to me, you won't know what kind of day I'm having anyway. You know just as much as what my online self would allow you to know: that I attend graduate school, I run a lovely little blog titled Creating Confidence, and that I'm attempting to be a runner. That's about it. So isn't this the same? I feel that my online self is the same reflection of my actual self.

Let's take a step back for a second.

We all know those people who post their entire daily lives on social media, in fact, you may be one yourself. Have you ever had a "friend" who is constantly on social media sites, posting non-stop, then when you see them in person they don't say much at all? More than likely they are probably too busy responding to Facebook message and Twitter updates. I feel that while social media networking sites have made it easier in a sense to be"connected" to people you haven't seen in years and might not even recognize in person, but it has left a void where face-to-face communication should be. It's made it easier to get the news and to feel closer to different organizations and brands. Heck, if you are displeased with a product or company, simply write something negative on their social media sites and look how fast you will get a response...But what are missing out on here?

There's a quote I heard about a year ago that has stuck with me when it comes to social media networking sites and what people promote about themselves. 

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.

It's certainly easy to do, especially since you're only seeing a version of what people only want you to see online. You won't see me posting about a bad day I've had or any of my own personal fears- that doesn't mean I don't struggle with them daily. You only see what people allow you to see online. Online, you can construct a different identity if you'd like to, and face-to-face communication is slowly getting away from us.

How many times have you been to a restaurant and watched people glued to their phones and not talking to one another? How many times have you communicated with someone online, to barely speak a few words to them in person? How many bits of personal information do you know about someone you haven't seen in years? It's crazy.

What are your thoughts? What do you choose to share with people online, and do you feel that your "online self" differs from your "actual self?"

What are the Dangers of Posting Negative Comments Anonymously Online?

While social media sites such as Facebook and Instagram may not be anonymous, ever since thedirty.com debuted, tons of websites, apps and other social media sites have been created for the online troll to anonymously bash whoever they wish.

Anyone can upload comments of some poor unsuspected soul and trash talk them anonymously, along with their victims full names and several pictures. Then of course the dozens upon dozens of comments from other anonymous trolls after that.

But The Dirty isn't the only one out there. There is one that markets to college kids.

I recently learned of the app Yik Yak, developed primarily for college kids to post anonymously within a 2 mile radius of their current location. It's like Twitter, except there are no screen names and anyone with the app in that area can post whatever they wish. And they definitely are. 

I apologize in advance for the comments in the picture below.

 Pat Taft, employee at Queens University of Charlotte says the app Yik Yak is the most recent app where students can post anonymously. 

"There is a contingent of college students that will post anything and everything. When they think it is anonymous they do have a filter. They will post ugly messages using the other person's  name. They have no concern for feelings. They also use a lot of profanity. They will ask individuals to meet them in certain places to have sex and exchange drugs. This is not just Queens. I have observed this at other institutions as well," said Taft.

However, there are some restrictions to the app. Yik Yak will remove a comment if it receives five or more people that dislike it. 

"I posted that some thoughts should never leave your brain and that Yik Yak will probably turn out not to be anonymous and it will affect people getting jobs - it was off within one minute," said Taft.

While Yik Yak shows comments from users within a 2 mile radius of where you are logged in, Taft says the app does not speak well for a University.

"Students at other schools and neighbors can see the information. Yik Yak has been disturbing because students have talked about the administration, faculty and peers in a negative manner using specific names. You sure can tell what they think about certain classes," said Taft.

So what can we do about this?

In my opinion, this is not new and it will certainly not be the last app or website that allows people to speak their minds anonymously. People as a whole need to stand up and speak out against this kind of behavior and understand that it gets you no where.

As an employee at a University, Taft has this bit of advice to offer college students.

"Assume that nothing is anonymous! Do not post anything that you would not mind a future employer reading. Also, if you cannot say it to someone's face, then you should not say it online. 

They need to understand that just because they cannot see hurt feelings, crying, and depression from their remarks it does not mean they are not there. What they post is a reflection of themselves.  They should ask the question, 'How am I going to be perceived?' before pushing the send button."

What do you think about websites and app such as The Dirty and Yik Yak? What do you think people get out posting negatively about others and what, if anything, do you think can be done about it?

The Words of a Mother

Throughout this project, I have talked of different issues impacting women and young girls. I've talked to a group of pre-teens, I've shown videos on body image- but I have yet to talk to a mother.


Although I have no children of my own (yet!) I often think of how I would like to raise children, and how I would go about instilling morals in them, especially in today's widespread social media usage. Usually I think I wouldn't let my kids have phones, but I'm not sure how likely that would be.


To get a better idea of what it's like being the mother of teen girls, I spoke to Sherrill Shiraz, mother of two girls ages 12 and almost 14. She gave some great insight on what it's like raising a family in a time where everyone is so connected. She also spoke on weight loss and wearing makeup.



"Both of my daughters have Instagram and Snapchat, no Facebook, and no Twitter," said Shiraz.. "I don't monitor what they post enough, but my friend is friends with them and she let's me know if she sees anything I should look at."


While both of her daughters have cell phones, Shiraz sets specific times when they can or can't use them.


"They are not allowed to have the phone at the table or when we are eating in the kitchen. Also not when doing homework. Otherwise my husband and I keep an eye on them and if we think it is getting out of hand we remove it. The phone is the primary privilege we take away from the younger daughter. My oldest rides horses, so we use that as leverage," said Shiraz.


Shiraz definitely thinks the media pressures women to look a certain way, and she expressed concern for her daughters.

"I tell my girls not to look at any clothing size tags because we can cut them out and nobody has to know the size- just look at how we feel," said Shiraz. 

Shiraz recently lost 30 lbs, mainly for health reasons.


"I believe we should all appreciate our body and that we should try to stay healthy- that was my main motivation for losing weight. I like the way I look now and that I can wear different clothes. I think in a way that the motivation to stay thin or healthy is not 100% negative because there is an underlying benefit for our health, but when we judge ourselves because we are not 'thin enough,' then that is bad," she said.


Shiraz expressed concern for her daughter watching videos on YouTube. "She does not understand that these [YouTube videos] are really like advertisements and many of these people are wearing clothes and using products that they are paid to use," she said.


As far as makeup, I asked Shiraz if she herself wore any, and whether she let her daughters wear it as well.


Shiraz said that while she does wear some eye makeup and lipstick, she makes sure to use good moisturizers but doesn't care too much for foundation makeup.


"My 14-year-old started wearing makeup this year and her younger sister [almost 12] has just started wearing some cover-up for her acne and some mascara," she said.

"I have never said they can't wear it, but I have never encouraged them to wear it, so I guess I am neutral. I do comment negatively if I see someone with lots of makeup on just because I think it is bad for their face and also if it looks unnatural," said Shiraz.

Shiraz said her oldest has taken an interest into learning how to apply makeup.

"I think it's important for them to experiment with their femininity and makeup is part of that in our society," said Shiraz. "I am sure her father would say something if she put on too much though!"

Shiraz says she strives to teach her daughters that there are many other things to do other than shop or worry about clothes, and currently she is getting them involved in local charities, and teaching them how to make their own clothes.

#TwitterProbz Teenage Girl Arrested for Tweeting a "Joke"

If you're a parent and your pre-teen or teenager is using social media, it should be a priority to not only explain the dangers of social media, but also the seriousness of its use.

According to an article on www.cnn.com, a 14-year-old girl was arrested on Monday after tweeting American Airlines that she was part of Al Qaeda and had had plans to "do something big."

The Twitter user @QueenDemetriax_ sent @AmericanAir, "hello my name's Ibrahim and I'm from Afghanistan. I'm part of Al Qaida and on June 1st I'm gonna do something really big bye." The Twitter account has now been deactivated.

Of course, American Airlines took this as a threat and quickly tracked Sarah's IP address and forwarded the information to the FBI. At this point, Sarah realized she was in trouble. Deep trouble.

Sarah also pleaded that she was "just a girl" and it was a joke made by her friend. According to the CNN article, Sarah, a 14-year-old girl from the Netherlands has been charged with "posting a false or alarming announcement," but punishment is not clear at this point. She currently is in questioning.

On the flip side of this, Sarah's Tweet was retweeted hundreds of times, and she gained 20,000 followers before Twitter deactivated her account. In a sense, she has become a "celebrity" due to this alarming incident.

This is an example of how social media can be misused, in one of the worst ways, and cause serious consequences for teenagers or even adults who think what they say has no importance or is just a joke. What you do online and on social media can have many affects further in your life than you may realize at this time, and I think it's something everyone needs to be aware of.

Girl Talk: So What's it Like to be a Pre-teen These Days?

Talking With Three Young Women Really put Social Media into a New Perspective...

Recently, I had the chance to sit down and talk with three young teen and pre-teen girls to find out what it's really like to be in middle school these days and growing up with social media and cell phones. While I graduated high school in 2006, you can almost call me an old lady compared to them.

Throughout our conversation, I found their responses to be very interesting, even different than what I imagined. Actually, some were the complete opposite of what I was I thinking.

On Sunday, I had the pleasure of meeting Laura, who recently turned 12 and is in the 6th grade, her older sister Libby, a 13-year-old 8th grader, and Taryn, a 12-year-old 6th grader who attends a different school than the two sisters. *Note, names have been changed, and I had permission from their parents to speak to them on this topic*

And our conversation went a little like this...

Maegen Sweat: So, how many different social media accounts do you all have? Are you on Facebook and Instagram? 

Laura: I have an Instagram and Pinterest

Libby: I have Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest

Taryn: I don't have any social media accounts, I don't even have a cell phone. Most people at my school do though.

MS: Have the rules changed regarding using cell phones at school? When I was in school you'd get in trouble if it even rang in class.

Laura: If you get them taken away, you will get them back in third block. But my teachers don't really care in 6th grade, you can play games and text- they aren't too strict.

Libby: You can have them out but it will have to be for research reasons. 

Taryn: My school is pretty much the same, in a lot of classes people will play games, sometimes they teachers notice but they don't really say much.

MS: What is K-I-K? (I spelled it out.)

Laura: You mean KIK [pronounced like kick] It's just a texting app. Most people don't use it anymore.

MS: So on Instagram, what do you or most of your friends post?

Libby: Most people post pictures of friends, or like at the movies, bowling. There's a thing called "selfie Sunday," and it's a hashtag. I have taken a selfie and posted it with a cool filter once or twice, but some girls do it a lot just because they are bored or if they just haven't had a picture to post in a while. Sometimes I've even unfollowed people just because I don't want to follow them anymore or they are annoying.

MS: What do you think of people posting selfies?

Laura: I mean if you post one or two that's okay.

MS: Do you your parents have access to your Instagram or can they see what you post?

Libby: [Laughs] My parents don't look at my Instagram.

Laura: I'll show my parents my pictures. 

MS: So what are these hashtags titled "TBH" or "TBR?" I've seen some statuses or pictures with a "TBH" or "TBR" and when someone likes the picture, the poster then post a comment to whoever likes it. Side note- Confused yet? Ha.

Laura: To be honest [TBH] is just something people do when they are bored. To be rude [TBR] people don't really do anymore, and if they do it's just joking around people aren't too rude about it.

Libby: There's also a thing called "Rate and Date" where you rate the person and say if you'd date them or not.

MS: Have you or any of your friends every experienced cyberbulling?

Taryn: We're learning in health class about the 8 common ways of cyberbulling, but no I've never dealt with it myself.

MS: What do you girls think of reality TV? Do you think it's the truth or scripted?

Laura: [Laughs] Our mom doesn't want us to to watch it.

Libby: [Laughs] I disagree with her! My mom even watches it, like Dance Moms, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, TLC, Toddlers and Tiaras.

Taryn: I don't really watch TV, I mean I look up YouTube videos, or I watch old, good movies like Green Acres. I like the good, old shows. Not the crap there is today. I also read a lot.

MS: Do you think it's the truth or scripted?

Libby: Some of it is staged, some of it is real. Sometimes you can predict what's going to happen because it's just laid out so perfectly.

MS: So you watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians, what do you think of them?

Libby: I was looking at Kim's Instagram, and in all their pics they have on all their make-up and their hair is done. It's like they got completely ready to take a selfie. 

Laura: I think they [reality TV stars] are just humiliating themselves. The things they do aren't even funny or worth doing.

Taryn: Yeah, sometimes TV just really rots your brain.

MS: So do you ever take selfies?

Libby: I won't post a picture on Instagram if I look weird.

Laura: I won't take great measures to do my hair.

MS: Do you girls feel any pressure to look like famous actresses?

Taryn: No, but it's like that commercial. They took a regular girl and showed what all they did to her to make her look like a celebrity. Also, that Dove commercial where they have the woman describe herself to a sketch artist, and then another person would describe that woman to a sketch artist. The stranger's sketch was always better.

MS: How does that make you feel?

Taryn: I think it's cool but sad at the same time. Because that person thinks they look bad but the other person doesn't.

MS: How do you girls feel about make-up? Do you wear any?

Libby: I wear make-up, I started in 7th grade. 

Laura: I wear clear mascara.

Taryn: A lot of girls wear make up, like concealer and stuff in 6th grade. But 7th and 8th grade, then it starts getting scary.

MS: Define "scary."

Libby: They wear green and purple eyeshadow. I mean I think that's okay, but only if you're in college or older, or maybe on a special occasion.

MS: So back to the internet, do your parents monitor what you look at?

Libby: The parental controls aren't set, I don't think my parents know how to set them. We could probably go to any website we wanted to and they wouldn't know- but we don't.

Laura: Our brother [age 15] gets in more trouble with being on his cell phone than we do- but there are no parental controls set, I'm not sure it's possible.

MS: So you have free reign to look at any website you want?

Laura: CMS school systems block most websites, like YouTube, any social media sites. So when you have a phone at school you don't have access to a lot of websites.

MS: Do you think that boys your age would maybe use that to look at websites they aren't supposed to?

Libby [Laughs] I don't think so, I don't think he [my brother] would go look up Victoria's Secret models online or anything..not that they are that bad, but you know. For middle school guys, I don't think it's a big deal. I don't think they would look up any nudes online.

MS: Do your parents set any rules, like when you can have cell phones and when you can't?

Libby: If it's after 9 p.m. our parents don't like us to be on social media. Or if we are at a restaurant or at dinner, we can't have our phones out. My brother still gets in trouble with this all the time, and sometimes if I'm sassy my dad will take my phone away for a little while.

Interesting points right?

I'd have to say the answers weren't quite what I was expecting, but I don't think we should be so naive. Overall, I spoke to a great group of young women who really have their heads on their shoulders and are really smart. I know their parents have set proper limitations when it comes to cell phone and social media use, and I think the girls really respect that- and it shows.

What are your thoughts to their statements? Do you think it varies from teen to teen? I want to know your thoughts!

It's Not Official Unless it's on Facebook..Or Online Right?

We all know match.com, christianmingle.com, but do you know there are actual teen dating sites online as well?

Among others- Mylol.com boasts it is the number one teen dating site in the US, Canada, UK and Australia.

What's the catch?

Well, you just have to be a teenager, age 13 to register. 

I'm not sure about you, but I wasn't aware there were actual teen dating sites available online, and was shocked to see tons of them. But what about the potential dangers they possess?

Pedophiles much?

According to a news report by Jim Kiertnzer of the ABC affiliate in Detriot, FBI spokesman David Porter says that every hour, a child is approached [on an online dating site.]

No wonder How to Catch a Predator is so popular these days.

In my opinions, teens really don't need dating sites to "find friends" or someone to date. They should be doing that in person- or better yet, not at all : ) You're too young to be worried about all of that.

View the full video below

Let's Talk About Sext, Baby

Let's talk about you and me

Let's talk about sext

Taking it back to the 90s Salt N' Pepa hit song for a second, but really- let's talk about it.

Sext.

No, it wasn't a typo, sexting is actually a word. The legal definition of sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit images and videos through mobile phones, and according to www.uslegal.com it can be a punishable offense if a person is found in possession of or the distribution of child pornography.

With young teens, and even older people for that matter, sending a quick sexy photo can maybe seem enticing to a perceived partner. Maybe they want to be attractive, or feel sexy, so they don't see the harm in sending a sexually suggestive photograph of themselves. 

This is not a new thing, before cell phones people were taking pictures on digital cameras. Before digital cameras, people used Polaroids. While those are not good, cell phones and social media have provided such an easy and intimate way to connect to almost anyone instantly, sexting has now become a huge topic for concern. That "innocent" photo that no one will know about can very quickly escalate to something everybody is talking about.

 I don't feel that enough teenagers know the devil they are dancing with when it comes to sexting. How do you know that person you send a picture to isn't going to send it out to their friends? What about months or years later down the road that picture you even forgot you took turns up again? It's the internet. Things will come back to haunt you.

Worse case scenario- What if it ends up on social media for all your friends to see?

Yes, it does happen.

There are countless news stories where someone has posted a nude picture of another online and it was visible for all to see.

According to CBSDC, just last month a 16-year-old Virginia girl was charged with child pornography for taking nude selfies and posting them to twitter. To read more on the article, click here.

The issue I have with sexting is I feel that young teenagers don't realize the many repercussions they could face by sending even one picture. In the day of the social age, the image you create of yourself online now will there for years to come.

According to www.dosomething.org, 22 percent of high-school age teens (ages 14 to 17) and 33 percent of college-age students (ages 18 to 24) have been involved in a form of nude sexting. Sending semi-nude or nude photos is more common among teens girls. 22 percent of teen girls report sending images of this nature, while only 18 percent of same-age boys have.

Before you click send, think about it. Is it worth it?

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Reality TV...The Demise of Actual Reality

It started with MTV's "The Real World" back in the early 1990's, and now you can't even turn the TV on without catching a glimpse at the "completely unscripted" (insert sarcasm) real TV we have now coined "reality TV." But the truth is, there's nothing real about it. It's planned, scripted and every episode has a message.

Producers have to get ratings, and drama and sex sell. Sadly, usually it's women who are viewed in a sexualized manner- but that's another topic. How do all of the reality shows which portray young people out partying, drinking and having sex affect young teens, especially young women?

Gone are the days of the fairy tales when a lady was pursued by a gentleman and a healthy relationship started. The latest episode of "Party Down South" on the CMT network features a group of young people staying in a house in Murrells Inlet, SC. It starts the same way your typical reality show does: each member of the cast walks in and starts drinking immediately, both the male and female cast members size each other up and pass judgement.

Although I know it's scripted, the show does not give young teens and pre-teens a good example of how to conduct themselves...and when every reality show has the same progression, then what are people supposed to think? That this is acceptable? That acting like this will make you famous on a reality TV show? That this type of behavior is AT ALL normal?

Just take a look at these advertisements that are made to "promote" the show...And you can't tell me that teenagers aren't up at 10 p.m.

"I'm not a whore, but if it happens, it happens"

"You know what shuts guys up? Boobs!"

So this is just saying it's fun to get drunk and disrobe not only in front of a crowd of strangers but also on TV? 

And this one is just flat out disturbing. But yes, all three of these scenes appeared on the very first episode of "Party Down South." Along with drinking to extreme excess, foul language, hooking up, and fighting.

But this is just one show. The truth is they are everywhere, and they all feature pretty much the same. Drinking is glorified, having unprotected random sex is what makes it exciting, and of course it's not a show without fighting and using foul language towards everyone.

My fear is that a lot of people view this as an acceptable way to act. If this is what it takes to be semi-famous on a reality TV show, then many young teens will look to act this way.

Where I attended high school, you weren't "cool" if you didn't physically fight someone. It was all about who wasn't scared of who and who could be the most intimidating. I thought it was awful (and no, I was never involved in an altercation of any sort.) But the fact that your ability to intimidate someone or try to hurt someone is what made people look up to you?

That is horrible.

I'm not just blaming the cast of "Party Down South." As I said earlier, "The Real World" started it, and "Jersey Shore" really embodied it. The truth is, people like watching others act in a way they wouldn't, but high schoolers don't know the difference.

Of course, I have to bring up "Teen Mom." The show that follows young mothers through pregnancy and through the first few years of their child's life. When I watched this show, I thought it glorified teen mothers. I mean, just take a look at Farrah, the teen mom who accepted an offer to paticipate in adult films. According to an article by Michelle Castillo on CBS News published on January 14, 2014, the reality TV shows "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom" have actually been linked to a drop in teen birth rate. 

According to the Castillo, research has somehow proven that the shows have shown the hardships of being a teen parent and that young people are choosing other methods of teenage pregnancy prevention.  Click here to read the full article.

I'm not quite sure what to think of that study, and I keep thinking how can they even tie the lower number of teen pregnancies to the show itself, but eitherway it's an interesting read.

My question to you- what do you think of reality TV shows? Do you think they are harmless fun or that they promote a harmful image to teens and pre-teens?

Pictures courtesy of www.savingcountrymusic.com

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.

Cyber Bullying: The Next Level of Bullying

It's sad to say, but bullying has always been around. There has always been the classroom bully who could lead a group of others in intimidating and abusing another student. In earlier days, you could leave the typical school bully at school, and return home in peace. These days thanks to social media, the bully has grown even bigger, uglier, and even worse in some cases...anonymous.

And enter The Troll.

 Troll: (noun) A person who shows disregard on the internet by starting arguments or upsetting people by posting inflammatory,  extraneous or off topic messages in an online community, either accidentally or with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response.

Attending high school and middle in the early 2000s, I was right at the onset of social media. I remember being bullied via anonymous screen names on AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). I believe around my junior year of high school I created a Myspace page. By the time I enrolled in college at Coastal Carolina University, I was allowed to create a Facebook page (those were the days when you have to have a college email address to create a Facebook page.) I had my fair share of mean comments, messages and remarks, but it's nothing like what teenagers and pre-teens are subjected to these days.

In the various social media sites, including Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and more, teens can be constantly bullied without a seeming escape. The most obvious answer to adults would be to just delete those social accounts. But I believe to young teens, deleting social media accounts to avoid bullying may not seem like an option for many of them. With so much of their lives focused on the laptop and their cell phones, deleting their social media account would be a sort of "social suicide."

I find that people who use social media accounts tend to be less inhibited. I'm not quite sure why but there seems to be a disconnect between people and their social profiles in some cases, so they feel they can bully or degrade someone and get away with it.  A lot of time there is no censorship, manners or even common courtesy online.

Cyber bullying among teens is a bigger issue than many of you have thought. Consider these 11 facts on cyber bulling provided by www.dosomething.org:

1. Nearly 42% of kids have been bullied online. 1 in 4 has had it happen more than once.

2. 70% of students report seeing frequent bullying online.

3. Over 80% of teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for cyber bullying.

4. 68% of teens agree that cyber bullying is a serious problem.

5. 81% of young people think bullying online is easier to get away with than bullying in person.

6. 90% of teens who have seen social-media bullying say they have ignored it. 84% have seen others tell cyber bullies to stop.

7. Only 1 in 10 victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse

8. Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.

9. About 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. More than 4 out 10 say it has happened more than once.

10. About 75% have visited a website bashing another student

11. Bullying victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide

My question to you: Have you or anyone you know ever been a victim of cyber bullying? How did it make you feel and what do you think we can do to make a difference?


Check out the video below from www.myfoxdc.com about the dangers of cyber bullying. DC News FOX 5 DC WTTG

The Selfie: Shameless Promotion or Self-Destruction?

Humans need and crave attention, it's a part of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs which pertain to the basic needs of a person. People want attention, they want to feel confident, accepted and they have a need to feel wanted. I think today people are placing the need for acceptance in all the wrong places: social media. To me, social media is just an illusion of acceptance.

The Selfie.

Several months ago I thought it was just a slang word, a sort of a joke. I was seeing all of my social media sites taken over by selfies, pictures that people take of themselves. Getting ready for school? Perfect time for a selfie. Girl time at the pool? Let's take a selfie. Hitting the gym for a quick workout? Well you can't prove it unless you take a selfie at the gym right? 

In 2013, the Oxford Dictionary named "selfie" the official 2013 word of the year, and that's because they are everywhere.

I am all for self-confidence and accepting yourself. I have taken selfies myself, but I really have an issue with people, especially women and young girls, attempting to fulfill a need for confidence and acceptance through a picture placed on social media sites.  

What gives me the right to talk?

I've been there. As a teenager and into my early 20's, I dabbled in print modeling. I did photoshoots, and part of it was because I was trying to find acceptance through my physical appearance. I wanted someone to tell me I was pretty. I didn't really find it, even if they did give me compliments. It didn't cover the void I was trying so hard to desperately fill.

I've learned that you are so much more than the photoshopped picture you take and post just to see how many likes, shares, retweets and favorites you receive from your "social media friends/followers." I by no means believe that selfies are bad, or even professional photos, I just think people, especially young girls place too much value on a picture that's been enhanced through an Instagram filter. I think we're looking for self-actualization and gratification with one angled shot, and life and your personality cannot be represented that easy.

You are so much more than that.

You are worth more than any picture. One picture cannot show everything about you. Selfies allow you to be seen through that one lens, thus opening yourself up for to be judged by others. While you're searching for that instant approval through an Instagram or Facebook "like," life is happening around you.

I find it disturbing that there are many "games" online that teenagers use to communicate with each other, where they place so much vulnerability on one single shot. I've seen young teens rate each other and critique each other's looks on social media sites as a game they play out of boredom. They don't realize the possible destruction they are putting each other through. 

Dove's global self esteem ambassador, Jess Weiner weighs in selfies in her recent talk with the fashion site, Refinery29 as reported by Kim Tranell:

“There’s a lot of self-editing going on. Many women and girls who are shy use selfies to portray themselves as a different character. It can be dangerous if you’re spending too much time judging yourself on your beauty and focusing on judgment of others, not just capturing a moment in time.”

So are selfies really that bad?

 I don't think there is anything wrong in a little self-promotion here and there, but I don't think young women should be basing their entire self worth one on single picture. 

So readers, what are your thoughts on the infamous "selfie?" Shameless Promotion, or Self-Destruction?

Myself, selfie around age 17.

Social Media: What we are up Against

I have often thought of the day when I have a daughter. I can't wait to play dress up, I can't wait to teach her how to read and watch her develop her own personality. I can't wait to be her best friend. I can't wait to teach her all the things I know, and help her along in her journey.

I am extremely scared for her.

It's a known fact that the media is particularly harsh on women and the ideal image of how a woman should be. You have your movies of course, and your fashion runway models and photoshopped images of perfect looking women gracing the covers of magazines. But it goes so much further than that.  

In my opinion, our society bases so much on looks and body image, especially for women. Whether a particular performer is being talked about, or the sexualized female characters you see in every movie plot. Society has painted the picture that looks really do matter, and that has been drilled into the core of what we do. It goes much deeper than photoshopping an image. Being in the spotlight, your looks are always being discussed, whether it's your hair, the clothes you're wearing, or even your body.

It is so engrained in our society that looks matter, that we fail to even realize how damaging it can be.

What I think is even more harmful in this day and age is social media. I find it really disturbing that girls as young as 11 and 12 are taking the infamous "selfie" shots and posting them online for everyone to see. I get it, posting a picture on social media can be gratifying at times, I mean everyone wants to feel acknowledged but what exactly are we promoting here? Once again, we are promoting physical appearance.

While social media is great for building awareness and connecting with friends and family, I believe it has many harmful effects, especially on young girls who are not mature enough yet to know what they are up against. Even worse, a lot of the messages and comments spread can be very damaging.

Just 10 years ago, when I was 15 we used instant messaging. I specifically remember one day receiving very hurtful messages from a screen name I did not recognize. They wouldn't identify themselves, and they kept calling me names and belittling me. They threatened me, and also talked about my physical appearance in the worst way. When I would block them, they would just create another screen name and keep messaging me. I never found out who that person was, but it was very traumatic for me at the time, so much so that I transferred high schools. I had an extremely hard time dealing with the hurtful things being said. To this day, it is still something that I remember and think of how hurt I was.

It pains me to see this happening via the social media we have today. I believe as women, and as parents, we should take every opportunity to lift each other up. Stop looking for our flaws and stop comparing so much, every one of us has something unique and different to offer.

There is a group that is taking a stand.
 

The Confidence Coalition is a non-profit organization that promotes confidence in young girls and women. They believe in taking a stand against media stereotypes and stepping out against harassment, bullying and hazing of young girls. 

To join the movement and see how you can help, visit their website: Confidence Coalition.

As women, it's time to start uplifting each other and believing in ourselves. That's one thing I hope to teach my daughter...

 

"...And that's when I get to wondering, what would happen if I told her something good, everyday?"

- Kathryn Stockett, The Help